Well, we survived the one year anniversary, and I kept it together pretty well. It wasn’t easy to do all the time, that’s for sure.
We spent a lot of time remembering exactly what we were doing at various times of the day a year ago. It’s amazing how some memories are nothing more than a blur, and others are as sharp as though they were happening in the present. For example, most of my labor is a blur – I mainly remember telling myself over and over the pain would end soon. I didn’t know at the time how much that physical pain would pale in comparison to the emotional pain that came afterwards, when I realized we would not be bringing her home.
Then there are the memories of our time with Madelyn. Those have been replayed in my mind so many times over the past year, they must be permanently etched in my mind, and I am glad of this.
We celebrated Madelyn’s life with some of Nathan’s family, as they live very close to the cemetery where she is buried. First, Nathan and I went to the cemetery alone. Then we went back out there later with his family to do a balloon release – we each released a balloon for her. My parents also released balloons for her (they are 6 hours away and couldn’t join us here). I hope to share pictures of those soon.
Madelyn received a few things for her birthday. Every single one of them meant so much to me.
She got beautiful flowers from some of our dearest friends.
From the M family:
My photography does these flowers no justice at all! I took a few flowers from each arrangement to Madelyn’s grave. We also got these flowers for Madelyn from us, but I didn’t take a very good picture:
And we received this reborn doll made by Silent Angels Nursery. This doll was custom made with Madelyn in mind, and the best part is she weighs exactly 3 pounds 4 ounces, Madelyn’s weight at birth. So anytime I want to remember what that weight felt like in my arms, I have this doll to remind me.
I’m very appreciate of this special doll.
Last, but not least, we received some cards for Madelyn’s birthday. I’m just so grateful that she was remembered by so many on her birthday.