We have decided. Our family is complete.
I know this is the right decision. And truly, I’m ready to enter the next phase of our lives, focusing on raising the beautiful children we have here on earth, as well as carrying on the memory of our daughter in heaven. Yet, as with any chapter’s end, it’s not easy to turn that final page.
The truth is, pregnancy isn’t easy for me on an emotional level. I spend so much time on edge, worrying about how sick I am or am not, wondering if the baby is moving enough or too much, among many other things. And we’ve had a NICU team in the room with us for every single birth. So we should probably stop while we’re ahead. I certainly wouldn’t take a chance on another unassisted pregnancy, and we simply couldn’t afford another procedure. Childcare is expensive as well. So we are done. And I can’t emphasize enough that our family is PERFECT. The children I have do not leave me wanting.
But letting go is hard.
Pregnancy and birth, while not always easy or uneventful for us, are beautiful, and I feel so very blessed to have been able to experience them the times that I have. They have been a huge part of my existence these past several years, and it’s hard to picture life without them. It’s hard to imagine that I will never again feel my baby moving inside of me. And any newly born baby I hold in the future will not be my own.
We have much to look forward to as a family. And I still have a newborn to hold and snuggle. But I know how fast this goes. I’m on maternity leave now, but in 10 more weeks I go back to work, and it will never be like this again. So I’m determined to cherish every single second.
As for pregnancy and birth, I will always look back on those times with fondness. And while it isn’t easy to say adieu, I am grateful that doing so is our choice. Some have that choice made for them, and I do not take this privilege lightly.
So the new plan is to live the lives we have built for ourselves. To raise our children with love. And to put every effort into enjoying every single day of the lives we have been given.
Time moves too quickly to do anything else.