Since this new pregnancy, I have spent some time on many of the pregnancy web-sites I used to visit, before my pregnancy with Madelyn changed, and the “normal” pregnancy milestones no longer applied to us. One of these sites had a place to keep an online journal, and imagine my surprise when I found several entries I had made describing my pregnancy with Madelyn. I wish I had kept it up longer. However, I cherish the little bit I found. It was almost like finding money in the pocket of a jacket that had been stored away since the previous winter. But much, much better!
One of the most interesting things to me in going back and reading this is my perspective on pregnancy. I miss that innocence I had. Sure, I was worried – I think the first trimester is scary for any pregnant woman. But I was able to shrug off most of my worries so easily then.
I am pasting these journal entries below.
January 24, 2009
I got my first positive pregnancy test yesterday! Actually, I got 3 of them! And 1 more today! I wasn’t really expecting it, but it is still exciting. I could hardly sleep last night due to excitement, strange feelings in my stomach, thirst, and having to use the bathroom! Hopefully I’ll have better luck tonight. Strangely, I don’t feel very tired right now, though tiredness was what made me wonder. I was exhausted all the time last week, no matter how much sleep I had gotten the night before. Those are really the only signs though, so I was convinced I probably wasn’t pregnant. But, when I did my monthly test, I found out I was wrong! I’m looking forward to what lies ahead, though I can’t help being a little afraid of miscarriage. I must not focus on that though; I must just enjoy the fact right now that I am pregnant!
January 27, 2009
Since yesterday I have been feeling a little dizzy every time I get up out of bed. This morning I felt that way until I ate, and now it is better. I also was up several times last night to use the bathroom and to get a drink. The frequent urination is really the biggest symptom I have felt so far. I know dizziness is a pregnancy symptom, but I have felt that at times without being pregnant. I still am having trouble believing it. I’m also a little less worried about miscarriage now and am starting to be convinced that this is going to happen. It only took 6 positive pregnancy tests!
Last night I stayed home from class and this morning I stayed home from work due to the weather. There are a couple inches of snow on the ground and more is coming. I normally wouldn’t have worried as much, but feel like I needed to since I am pregnant. It’s not worth the risk of getting into an accident.
January 31, 2009
I had my first doctor’s appointment on Thursday, January 29. Afterwards I was sent to a lab to have my blood drawn. My doctor wanted to ensure that my hormones are at the right levels, mostly as a precaution since we think I had a miscarriage before. Back in August I had one very faint positive test followed by a bunch more negatives, so since false positives are so rare, my doctor is proceeding as though it was a chemical pregnancy. I should get my results back early next week.
Getting my blood drawn was not a pleasant experience for me. The phlebotomist tied the band around my arm so tight it really hurt. Then because I was so nervous and it was hurting I started fainting towards the end of it – it took too long for me to be able to stay calm. I was proud of myself for allowing them to take my blood though – this is something I’ve had trouble with in the past. I hope I can become tougher about it in the future, but after this recent experience I’m not ready to do it again anytime soon. My arm is still bruised and it was swollen immediately afterwards. The soreness is getting better though. If I wasn’t doing this for someone else besides myself (my baby), I don’t know if I would have been brave enough.
I have an ultrasound in 3 weeks and we get to hear the baby’s heartbeat in 6 weeks, so that is something to look forward too!
February 3, 2009
The cramping is getting really annoying! My doctor did say that I should expect that, and I checked it out on the American Pregnancy Association, and a lot of other mommies/soon-to-be mommies say that they had it really bad too! That made me feel much better.
I got my blood test results back today. My arm is still all bruised, by the way. It looks really bad. Anyway, as of last Thursday (4 weeks, 3 days), my HCG count was at 600 and my progesterone level was at 20, and my doctor says those are good numbers that point to a healthy pregnancy. So that made me feel good! Now I’m just waiting for that first ultrasound.
February 15, 2009 – 6 weeks, 5 days
I haven’t written about my pregnancy lately because I’ve been so busy with work and school projects. However, I really do want to remember this time, so I’m going to try to do better!
Currently I am experiencing a lot of fatigue. I feel like I need naps all the time! I try to indulge in them as much as I can because I know I need the rest! I also started having some queasiness this week. Fortunately for me, I haven’t thrown up though, so I do feel lucky in that regard. I have also had some food aversions – nothing to make me sick, but some things that I loved before really do not sound good. For example, last night Nathan suggested Q’doba, which I normally love and would never refuse, but last night it sounded terrible. So we ate at Red Robin. Crackers and chips seem to be the easiest foods to eat, so I’ve had quite a few of them. I still get a little bit of cramping, but usually that happens only about once a day. Week 5 was the worst for cramps.
I have felt much more confident about my pregnancy lately, and am having very few fears of miscarriage, so that is a good thing. I believe that part of that is due to prayers by me and my family and friends. I also have been too busy thinking about all of the wonderful things that a baby entails to spend much time worrying about everything that could go wrong. Besides, I am pregnant now, why worry about what may or may not be tomorrow?
February 19, 2009
Today I went in for my first ultrasound. The doctor scheduled it early due to my earlier possible miscarriage, and it sure did make me feel better about things! Anyway, I scheduled this appointment 3 weeks ago, and it felt like the day would never come, but it finally did!!
Our appointment was at noon, and I left my office at 11:15. I had called yesterday to find out if I needed to have a full bladder, and the nurse said to drink 48 ounces of water an hour ahead of time! Well, that was not going to happen. I did drink about 24 ounces in the half hour before the appointment, and by the time Nathan and I were sitting in the waiting room, I could barely stand from having to go so badly! At 12:20 he finally went to the window and told them I really had to go. Well, come to find out, it was an internal ultrasound, and I didn’t need to drink the water after all! So I went, and then it was time to go back to the ultrasound room.
Once I was equipped with the probe, we saw our little one on the screen, in the uterus, right where he/she should be! Additionally, we got to actually HEAR the heartbeat – not just see it! It was super exciting, as I wasn’t expecting that part. The heartbeat was a healthy 158 beats per minute!
I was somewhat disappointed to find out that my due date is actually 10/11 instead of 10/6. Based on my cycle charts, I should be due on the 6th. But the size of the baby is what they go by, so who knows! I’m a little worried that maybe the baby isn’t progressing right, but the ultrasound tech said everything looked good, so I’m going to try not to think about that.
The ultrasound tech printed our pictures, told me everything looked great, and we were on our way! Now I have to wait another 3 weeks/eternity for my next appointment when we are supposed to be able to hear the heartbeat through a doppler!
February 25, 2009
Today I am 7 weeks, 4 days pregnant.
For the past week I’ve experienced quite a bit of queasiness, have actually thrown up once, and have had some heaving on days when I didn’t throw up. It feels strange calling it morning sickness when it’s more like “come whenever I want sickness”. Some people I have talked to say that they had it in the afternoons, or in the morning, or at night, or at least a defined time of day when they knew it was coming. Not me. It could be morning, it could be mid-morning, it could be afternoon! But, I guess I can be grateful for the fact that I’m not puking my guts out every morning like some people end up doing. But, I did end up telling my boss I am pregnant so that she knows why I might be a lot more sick than usual, plus she is probably wondering by now why I’m asking off so much to go to the doctor! I went twice in 3 weeks, and then have another appointment 3 weeks from the last appointment!
I got a strange pain in my lower back (almost felt like tailbone area) yesterday. It was really sharp! I don’t know what that was about, but hopefully it won’t continue.
March 12, 2009
Today we had an OB appointment! I’m about 10 weeks pregnant, and we got to hear the heartbeat again! This time through a doppler! It took the doctor several minutes to find it, and when he did he lost it, and then got it again. He said we’d find it much more easily at the next appointment. But I am so excited that it’s still beating away in there! I don’t know how many beats per minute it was going today.
On a negative note, I’ve gained 10 pounds. However, I am small, and my doctor did not seem concerned about it, so that’s good. I still feel awful about it though.
Other than that, things are going good. My morning sickness seems to be decreasing, which makes me very happy.
I get another appointment in 4 weeks, and then an ultrasound in 10 weeks to see the gender. That feels so far away…
On another note, I heard my baby on doppler at home! It was so exciting to reach that milestone. Of course, I learned in my last pregnancy that a strong heartbeat doesn’t guarantee all is well. But, I know my life and this baby’s life are in God’s hands, and so I will just have to trust in Him. It’s still a roller coaster of emotions – complete positivity one day followed by overwhelming fears the next. I guess that’s to be expected though.
I’m going to try to do a better job of documenting this pregnancy! The strongest symptom has definitely been fatigue this time, which makes it very hard for me to sit down and write a blog post! But I know it will be worth it if I do.
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