I was going to title this post “Today we remember”. However, after consideration, I decided that was not appropriate.
Yes, we remember today. But today is no different than any other day for those of us who have lost a baby. For we remember with every single beat of our hearts. Today, we merely ask the world to remember with us.
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and tonight, many will light candles at 7:00 p.m. (in every time zone). I will be lighting a candle in honor of Madelyn and all of the families who have lost their babies I have met in the past 13.5 months. I hope that many others will do the same.
On another note, today I am 28 weeks! At least, it is the last possible day that I am 28 weeks. As I’ve stated before, I think my actual due date is 1/5 based on the online FET calculators I have used (which would have made me 28 weeks on Wed.). However, my OB’s office always uses the LMP based due date, and that makes me 28 weeks today. Of course, it doesn’t really matter – Liam will come when he comes – two days isn’t that much of a difference in the end.
28 weeks is a big milestone week for most. If Liam were to be born now, he would have a 90% chance of surviving outside the womb. Given that he is a big baby, his odds go up even more. Of course, we don’t want or plan for him to arrive for 12 more weeks. And I know that 28 weeks doesn’t guarantee a thing. But, each of these milestones help me to breathe a tiny bit more easily.
Liam is moving like crazy these days, and I love it! His favorite times of day are first thing in the morning and late in the evenings. Or, it could be that I am less distracted at these times, and so I notice him more. As anxious as I am to have him in my arms, I’m going to miss that feeling when he’s here. Nathan and I have both been enjoying his movements very much.
I’m still feeling comfortable, even if I am measuring several weeks ahead! I haven’t had any swelling, and the aches and pressure I’ve had have been minimal. I’m grateful for that.
The next big milestone for me is 34 weeks 2 days, at which point I’ll be more pregnant than I’ve ever been. If I hadn’t been induced, I probably would’ve stayed pregnant with Madelyn for several more weeks as pre-term labor seemed to be the farthest thing on my body’s mind (hence the very long, painful induction). So it won’t be a celebratory milestone of my body making it farther than it has in the past. Instead, it will be a bittersweet milestone for me: one of remembering “this time last pregnancy” as well as being so thankful for a healthy pregnancy this time.