In just a few months, Liam will start kindergarten. He’s gone from the wiggly baby inside of me, pressing so hard against my ribs I couldn’t breathe, to this adorable, silly, kindhearted little boy. Looking back over the last 5 years, it’s easy to see all of the incremental changes that have led to this time. The changes were unnoticeable as they happened, but are very apparent when viewed in retrospect.
This next change feels different. It has knocked me off my feet, and left the world spinning around me.
I am stuck in this place of transition. I’m not ready to let go of the baby years. While I hold on with every fiber of my being, time continues to drag me forward, not caring if I’m kicking and screaming against it. One thing I’ve learned in this tug of war between time and me is that time always wins. Time will win this time, too.
Yet, time is no villain. Time may push me forward when I don’t feel ready, but its very nature allows me to have the experiences I do, which then turn to memories. Time may take me away from some amazing moments, but my memories are mine. Not only is time unable to take them from me, time is the thing that gave them to me.
I can feel everything changing around me, in these last months before this next phase. I’m transitioning from “mom to 3 babies” to “mom of a school-aged kid”. From a “young adult” to an “adult”. It feels foreign, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Yet, regardless of my readiness, it’s here.
I know I will continue in this fight I cannot win over the next several months, until the moment it can no longer be avoided arrives. I’m sure I will shed tears, and quite a lot of them. Though alongside my resistance is excitement to see what lies ahead. So many memories are waiting to be made, and stories are waiting to be told.
No, I don’t want to let go. But I can’t wait for the next adventure.